Who Knows You

Power of Relationship

“Treat your relationship as if you are growing the most beautiful sacred flower. Keep watering it, tend to the roots, and always make sure the petals are full of color and are never curling. Once you neglect your

plant, it will die, as will your relationship.” - Suzy Kassem

The Blind Spot

I’m 18 years old. I want to become the best skater I can be. I go to the rink one morning and leave with one of the most valuable lessons in my life to date. I’m sitting in the back of the arena lacing up my skates when my coach approaches me, “Why do you choose to sit back here by

yourself?” he asks, squatting down so that we are at eye level. I look at him, curious about where this conversation is going. I respond with what’s visually obvious to me. “There’s more room to spread out back here. Besides, all the other skaters are spread out on the front bleachers, book bags, skating bags, shoes, clothes, jackets. It’s a mess. Why crowd them when I have this bench all to myself?” Seems a reasonable line of thinking to me.

Harry looks at me with a sigh. Slight wrinkles appear just above his cheek bones as he smiles. That familiar grin stretches over his face whenever he is about to share his wisdom. His eyes narrow under his brow as he begins to speak, “You know Byron, there’s more to skating than just skating. You also need to have good relationships with others. It can’t be just about you.”

I look at him not fully understanding what else could an individual sport such as figure skating be about beyond each separate person. I’m a singles skater at the novice men’s level. I train alone. I have private lessons. There’s nobody responsible for what I accomplish other than me. I finally respond to him, “I’m not here to make friends. I’m here to skate. Isn’t that what you’re training me to do?” I’m not certain what he is talking about?

Harry sees the confusion on my face. He continues, “You may not be aware that many of the skaters here think you’re a snob. They think that you believe you are better than them. That won’t be helpful to you in progressing through this sport. You want to give people a chance to know and like you. So you’ll want to build relationships with them. Then they are more likely to trust you.” And work harder for you!

"...there’s more to skating than just skating. You also need to have good relationships with others."

Discovering Your Superpower

At that moment, it occurred to me what Harry was saying. People were making up their own stories about me that were not true. The real story was that I was afraid of people. It wasn’t that I was a snob. I avoided talking with them and, therefore, gave up my power over the story they chose to believe as true. I needed to overcome my fear and open up to others. As we learned more about one another, my comfort grew. My relationships grew and so did my power over the story they learned directly from me.
Solving The People Puzzle

Making the choice to build relationships by sharing your story with others, allows them the opportunity to discover common ground, your vulnerabilities and strengths.

These shared insights foster more human and accessible connections. Doing so also supports you and others in building personal power and ultimately greater influence.

An increased level of influence served me well over the next three years following that conversation with my coach. I transitioned from being the least liked person at my skating club to becoming its president. All because I was willing to open myself up and give people a chance to know me and discover they liked me. Which ultimately led to them trusting me enough to lead them.